Out of Control

Out of control

Falling and rolling on a downward fall

Beaten and bruised beyond repair

Tears and pain fill my soul

Life right now, I feel is beyond my control.

One step forward and ten steps back

Around and around repeating it all; like a never ending ball

Stress and fear consuming my every thought

I cannot bring myself out of this deep black hole.

Head under water and an anchor on my feet

Drowning & gasping for air

All I want is to get my head above water; to be able to breath.

Finding a way to make it better

Needing the sun to shine and the water to drain

So I can simply break free of the anchor and walk away.

I’ve got to find a way because they need me

But how do I pull up when I’m so far under yet again?

Breaking free is a must and giving up is not something I can do

I can’t take this feeling of being out of control; I’ll find a way.

No more. No more…

Out of control

{{{{ I don’t write poems anymore, though I used too. This just came to me bcause of how I’m feeling. I don’t need any judgements on it because it will only make my day worse. But as always please feel free to leave your comments and suggestions. 🙂 }}}}}}

God will make a way then there seems to be no way

let your smile change the world, but don’t let the world change your smile

You have the POWER to say this is NOT how the story ENDS

P.S I’m sure I’ll be OK…just one of those days.

How does it not Consume You?

OK so today’s post doesn’t have a super message or a inspiring thought. Its just me and my random thoughts. It might be long, I don’t know so just be warned! 🙂

My kids have given me such an amazing strength. I don’t know if I will ever be able to give them the kid of life they deserve, but I know that I am giving it my all. I want so much for them. I want to give them a beautiful home where they each have their own room, with a back yard and huge place set, I want to have them involved in every sport they want, I want to take them out shopping on the weekends, I want to do their parties at Chucky Cheese every year, I want to have them look at me and see the most amazing mom and role model of their lifetime. I want them to be proud of me and not ashamed of me. I want to know that when they look at me they see something and someone good on the inside and someone to look up too. I want to know that they KNOW without a doubt that I love them more than my own life.

I want to know I’m doing a great job.

I doubt myself and I shouldn’t but I do. Because there are so many things I’m not doing for them and I want too. It will happen in time I know but I still dream for so much. My biggest fault is I doubt myself. I need strength to find the ability to not do this. Doubt is my biggest downfall. I can’t let it consume me.

When you doubt yourself. Please tell me, how do you not let the doubt consume your life?

{ Single Mom Talk }