Divorce | How to help the kids transition

So as a single mother or even a single father we are always faced with how to create a newfound relationship with the other parent (should they still be involved) for the children. Once the breakup/divorce takes place and the schedules set into place we are not done with seeing the other person. It’ll continue at least until the child(ren) reaches 18 and there is no real escaping this. Nevertheless, it is best to find a happy medium between the two of you for the kids and find yourselves developing a new kind of relationship.

Parent’s splitting is always hard on the kids and having the parents fight and hate each other only makes it that much worse. But understanding & compromise is necessary. This can seem almost impossible for some especially if there was a lot of animosity between you & the X. Between the anger, hurt, & tears  we forget to remember how important it is to help the kids make the transition painlessly. 

However, it’s possible & though there is no right or wrong way to make it happen there are things we can keep in mind to help everyone in the situation cope. 

  • Don’t fight | This is so important! In most cases there was enough of that during the relationship so make it stop now. Or if you must, then don’t let them see you fight. Keep things simple & kid centered & this should be fairly easy. 
  • Don’t use the kids | This will be the biggest mistake either of you could ever do! Using the kids against the other parent will only hurt the kids & not help anyone. The kids will only grow to resent you both. The hurt has already been done. Don’t let it continue.
  • Don’t make them choose | They love you BOTH & that is OK! A child should never be put in a situation to have to choose a parent. You both matter, you both are needed, & you both can share! 
  • Choose your words wisely | Always remember that they are listening, even when you think they aren’t. Hearing bad things about the X can damage them & you. No matter your opinion on the X thiers should always be thier own. In hearing you say nasty things they can form that same opinion & it is unnecessary. 
  • Be reasonable | Be reasonable in all things you do as parents. Child support, visits, events, conversations, disagreements, choices you must make for the kids. Just be reasonable. 
  • Talk to the kids | I think this is the most important of all! Ask them how they are feeling, if they have any questions, if they are hurting. Make sure they know how important they are to you both and that they are loved just the same. 

These are just a few suggestions of how to handle the transition with kids involved. I learned these things the hard way. And even still it’s hard. Some days I don’t always do as I should. But I do try & have found these things to work the best.

My 4 littles know it’s OK to love their dad & have formed their own opinions on him solely on his actions and words alone. I’m not saying I don’t slip up but I managed to keep things right within thier little minds. I’m not so certain that these type of suggestions are honored while they are with J but I can only hope he keeps them in mind when he had them there. 

This is coming on year # 5 being divorced so I’m still probably considered new to this but I hope that what I have learned can help someone else in some way. 

What works for you? What suggestions do you have? 

That’s all for now! 

{Single Mom Talk} 

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My Princess {Haylie Renea}

My little princess Diva! From the time she was born Haylie has always been a little diva. She, in true, girl fashion loves high heel shoes and clothes! Always playing dress up in mommy’s clothes and shoes and wants to watch every fashion show possible. The spirit in her is clear that she is destine for a very New York lifestyle and hope that her dreams come true!

When she was just five she fell in love with TV and modeling. The girl loves being in front of a camera. So of course because photography LOVE I had to let this go through and I put her in front of it every chance I got. I have had raves and praise on how beautiful she is and how great she photographs. HayB has won photogenic supreme in pageants, the camera just loves her.

Her love for life and happiness is intoxicating and that I hope and pray never changes in her life. She is always smiling and so happy and making people laugh with her silly and girly attitude. The way she will put on a fashion show right in the middle of the living room and not care who is around, or the way she bounces when she walks because she is “princess floating”, how she obsesses over shoes and lipstick! Now, all of this is HayB but even better is that she don’t mind getting dirty. She will be in a tutu making a mud pie for her brother, but all with grace of course. The outdoors is her favorite in the summer, unless she gets sweaty because no princess should sweat of course!

There’s a talent in her for many things and I know that one day she is going to be a wonderful young woman. Not only does she love fashion and all things girly she loves art (drawing) and singing. You find her doing one or the other every day. She is my one kid I know will have a creative major in college because of simply who she is and that I love.

She is beautiful, kind, silly, bright, talented, outgoing, caring, loving, smart, adventurous, independent, and so many more things! She is my second born child and oldest girl and I am so happy with who she is growing up to be!

Meet Haylie Renea!

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Kids Corner

Hey there! OK so this is going to be fun! Here at Kids Corner is where each week we will post fun and interesting articles, tips, and much more on you got it…..KIDS! All things kids is what you will find here! The post at Kids Corner will be written by our weekly contributor and fellow Single Mom! So stay tuned! The first post will be out very soon!! Can’t wait to share with you! If there is anything you’d like to see in Kids Corner please comment and let us know!

{Single Mom Talk}

The Kid Series

My home is always full of personality. Never a dull moment. Full of laughs, giggles, little feet, kisses, hugs, and sweet dream wishes.
I’m always telling my friends about each of my crazy kids! They make me who I am. So I’ve decided to make what I’m going to call
“The Kid Series”
This will allow me to express and tell the stores of each child individually. The trials and tribulations of an 8 year old boy and a 7, 4, and 2 year old girls. Maybe you’ll be able to relate or help me in some way. Maybe I will help you. Or maybe you will just like the crazy ways of my kids and come back to see what’s new!
Anyways, I think it will be great! And I cannot wait to share with you! Any suggestions are welcomed _

{Single Mom Talk}

How does it not Consume You?

OK so today’s post doesn’t have a super message or a inspiring thought. Its just me and my random thoughts. It might be long, I don’t know so just be warned! 🙂

My kids have given me such an amazing strength. I don’t know if I will ever be able to give them the kid of life they deserve, but I know that I am giving it my all. I want so much for them. I want to give them a beautiful home where they each have their own room, with a back yard and huge place set, I want to have them involved in every sport they want, I want to take them out shopping on the weekends, I want to do their parties at Chucky Cheese every year, I want to have them look at me and see the most amazing mom and role model of their lifetime. I want them to be proud of me and not ashamed of me. I want to know that when they look at me they see something and someone good on the inside and someone to look up too. I want to know that they KNOW without a doubt that I love them more than my own life.

I want to know I’m doing a great job.

I doubt myself and I shouldn’t but I do. Because there are so many things I’m not doing for them and I want too. It will happen in time I know but I still dream for so much. My biggest fault is I doubt myself. I need strength to find the ability to not do this. Doubt is my biggest downfall. I can’t let it consume me.

When you doubt yourself. Please tell me, how do you not let the doubt consume your life?

{ Single Mom Talk }

Proud

12:30am I’m awaake when I should be sleeping.  But as always my brain in working overtime. Shit if only I could get paid for all that overtime!  Haha
I want to say that I’m proud of myself. Since I’ve let go of last years bullshit and focused on a better life this year I’ve been able to be successful. 
I had this huge urge to just get up and move. I just wanted out of this situation where I am and wanted to just go, but I didn’t.  I have kept my ass right here in Tuscaloosa just taking it day by day. I didn’t make nor act on a rash decision. 
Secondly,  I have gotten out n got my ass a job! Yep, I start O’Charleys this coming Tuesday, well my orientation is Tuesday.  I will be serving and I couldn’t be more excited.  I spent all of 2014 makin excuses of why I couldn’t get a job and my life went to shit.  But not anymore.  Ive got a job. Now I can save money,  pay bills, and do whats right. 
So I also told mom I think ita a good idea that she get her a place. I think it’s way overdue and I’m ready.
When I can afford it I will be moving back to Madison County, because thats where I want n need to be. Their dad os there and its where I’m happiest.  But only when I can afford the move will i make that choice. 
I won’t be the product if bad choices anymore. Im 27 and everything I do not only reflects on me but these kids too and I cannot let them carry something from my negligence.
We all have to stop making excuses. We have to stop saying it can’t be done,  whatever it is. Because thats a load of bullshit.  We can be where we want to be, who we want to be, how we want to be so long as we ARE NOT MAKING EXCUSES! AND SO LONG AS WE ARE TALKING ACTIONS TO GET THERE. 
Be Your own change. Make a difference. Even if it’s just in your kids lives.

CS court update

I’m finally taking a moment to sit down and type this out. Of course my last post was on the child support court date. It went well ok I guess. Of course there was some unwelcomed surprises but guess that was a given. I was expecting something more only to find out that I didn’t even have to be there for tye damm thing but oh well.
It was like some kind of interview or something.  They asked me where I was living,  how he had been helping,  and told me what to do to get the job done. I will have to transfer from TN to AL and all that jazz and hope it doesn’t get caught up on someone’s desk. Of course my luck it will.
I can say since then Ive gotten my card for the deposits from J’s work taking out CS payments. Its not much but its something and it really is nice. I’ve made sure to take the kids n do something nice for them and pull some out for savings. Ive also made sure to have my car payment in in time.  So its helped. Alot. J doesn’t seem to be caring much as he hasn’t complained about it. 
It’s nice, that he is havin to help and that I can finally feel like Im not alone on this.
I will say things are calm for now, but is this the calm beforw the storm? I sure hope not.

♡ SingleMomTalk