Well, this post starts it. It begins today and I’m pretty excited. I’ve got a lot planned for this blog and hope that it becomes more than just a place for my thoughts. I hope it becomes single mom’s go to place when they need to smile or know their not alone. I hope I inspire someone, help someone, or simply show others that life can go on when it all falls apart.
I think it’s a good idea to tell you a bit about who I am and where my life stands; a little background if you will. I’ll try to keep short and interesting as possible.
I’d like to tell you I’m “from” a certain place but that’d be a false statement so I’ll tell you this my birth certificate says I was born in big ol’ Dallas, Texas and I spent a few good baby years there. Texas is where mama met papa and and where mama left papa. My mom and dad also had another baby together a year after me, Matty. He however was given up for adoption when I was 15 months old so unfortunately my life didn’t include him until I was 19. But you need to know he’s there. Mom also met Steve the step dad that I wish was all good but he’s not. He’s the one that took my mama from good girl to druggie and alcoholic making her never the same.
By the time I was 7 we (mama and I) had moved to Alabama. Living all over the place I mostly remember living in a hotel that was connected to a bar; which my mother attended on a regular basis. I of course had a live in baby sitter so mama could party at night and play with me in the day time. Now, please dont think badly of my mama because though she was far from perfect she taught me how to be a lady and never failed at making sure I had what I needed and that she loved me. Where it counted she was a great mother. But during those days after we moved from the motel I had to drive her a time or two up Lookout Mountain to our house; and I was only 9. She was bad; alcohol consumed her and anger consumed me.
Over the next few years we bounced from Ga, MO, Tx, Tn, Fl and back to Alabama.
Gurley, Alabama holds the basis for most my good childhood memories and lifelong friends. They are the ones I hold on with all I got because they are the ones that affected me for all my life. To this day those friends and memories have never been replaced. You’ll soon learn about them.
I moved and lived with my granny, aunt, and my mama’s brother many different times. Mama was on the run from the law for years and we were always moving when they got close. But when I was 13 I met the kids daddy and though it wasn’t all done the right way we got married by the time I was just 16. Mama signed and I dropped out in middle of 10th grade to move to NC with J to Camp Lejune. Our life from there just went up and down.
After years of him cheating, us having kids, and me becoming obsessed with being enough for him in 2010 I finally said I’m done and filed for separation. That year I met Edward and he forever changed my life. I spent the next two years putting that man through hell by leaving him and going back to poison with J. But he took me back and gave me a chance and I only shot it to shit. The last time I did it in and he told me goodbye forever.
We all have one big mistake and that was mine; letting him go for J. I’ll never be the same; my heart will never love another like it does him.
In 2012 I filed for divorce from J and went through with it. October of that year it was final and I felt free. Free of all the pain and anger he made me feel. But still it wasn’t over. He made my life hell by leaving me to take care of them on my own (with my mama’s help) I did it though. I never took him for child support and only once for two months did I keep the kids from him. I didn’t want any part of him, even his money. But still the hell continued until 6/8 months ago when he finally decided to start getting his shit together and help me financially support them. He’s a better father today and helps me every week like clock work and its such a relief.
J is remarried now and has a step son. Both the boy and his wife Ash are pleasant. I like her; now. It wasn’t always that way but now yes.
So today at this moment. I live in government housing, 3 bedroom 1 bathroom, feed my kids off food stamps & WIC, work from home doing photography and on a mad job hunt for something more secure. I’m single and not really dating and though mama has been living with me, she will be moving out in April.
I’m ready and able to do this on my own. I feel more ready than ever in my life to do this and I want my journey to be known. I want single parents to know its OK to have help and that its even more OK to do it on your own. You can and I’m going to show you in every way possible.
This isn’t all the details of my life and I’ve left out a bit but piece by piece I’ll feel you in. For now, this is it.
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