Divorce | How to help the kids transition

So as a single mother or even a single father we are always faced with how to create a newfound relationship with the other parent (should they still be involved) for the children. Once the breakup/divorce takes place and the schedules set into place we are not done with seeing the other person. It’ll continue at least until the child(ren) reaches 18 and there is no real escaping this. Nevertheless, it is best to find a happy medium between the two of you for the kids and find yourselves developing a new kind of relationship.

Parent’s splitting is always hard on the kids and having the parents fight and hate each other only makes it that much worse. But understanding & compromise is necessary. This can seem almost impossible for some especially if there was a lot of animosity between you & the X. Between the anger, hurt, & tears  we forget to remember how important it is to help the kids make the transition painlessly. 

However, it’s possible & though there is no right or wrong way to make it happen there are things we can keep in mind to help everyone in the situation cope. 

  • Don’t fight | This is so important! In most cases there was enough of that during the relationship so make it stop now. Or if you must, then don’t let them see you fight. Keep things simple & kid centered & this should be fairly easy. 
  • Don’t use the kids | This will be the biggest mistake either of you could ever do! Using the kids against the other parent will only hurt the kids & not help anyone. The kids will only grow to resent you both. The hurt has already been done. Don’t let it continue.
  • Don’t make them choose | They love you BOTH & that is OK! A child should never be put in a situation to have to choose a parent. You both matter, you both are needed, & you both can share! 
  • Choose your words wisely | Always remember that they are listening, even when you think they aren’t. Hearing bad things about the X can damage them & you. No matter your opinion on the X thiers should always be thier own. In hearing you say nasty things they can form that same opinion & it is unnecessary. 
  • Be reasonable | Be reasonable in all things you do as parents. Child support, visits, events, conversations, disagreements, choices you must make for the kids. Just be reasonable. 
  • Talk to the kids | I think this is the most important of all! Ask them how they are feeling, if they have any questions, if they are hurting. Make sure they know how important they are to you both and that they are loved just the same. 

These are just a few suggestions of how to handle the transition with kids involved. I learned these things the hard way. And even still it’s hard. Some days I don’t always do as I should. But I do try & have found these things to work the best.

My 4 littles know it’s OK to love their dad & have formed their own opinions on him solely on his actions and words alone. I’m not saying I don’t slip up but I managed to keep things right within thier little minds. I’m not so certain that these type of suggestions are honored while they are with J but I can only hope he keeps them in mind when he had them there. 

This is coming on year # 5 being divorced so I’m still probably considered new to this but I hope that what I have learned can help someone else in some way. 

What works for you? What suggestions do you have? 

That’s all for now! 

{Single Mom Talk} 

11 thoughts on “Divorce | How to help the kids transition

  1. Some nice advice there. I split up when the kids were still young enough to not get too used to the norms of two parents being at home, and adjusted to flipping between two homes quite easily.
    The difficult part I find is not talking too negatively about the ex in front of the kids. She does have the habit of doing some massively daft and selfish things, and seems to take pleasure in undermining me. So trying to keep my emotions hidden away can be quite tough.

    • Hey Engineering Dad! That made things much easier I’m sure, with the littles being so young during the split. For me only 1 of my 4 was that young.
      I’ll admit it is very difficult at times to not let the negative comments slip and to remember they are listening always. But I’ve learned that its very important to Thier mental stability as children to keep it in check. My Ex too is the same way being selfish side of things. And now Matter how much I try to be reasonable with him he always has to undermine & disagree with me. So to say the least when the kids go to bed Mommy & sometimes Daddy I’m sure let it all out one way or another.
      Thanks for your input its hearing I’m not alone and how others handle it!

    • Hey there Kuddos & Kuddos! I’m so glad to hear that! These are just some very useful things I’ve learned & I hope others can learn from them or at least relate to them. Maybe my X & I will reach a really good point in the future.
      And oh my!!!! Your such a doll! Thank you so much for your nomination!! I’m gonna head over and check that out. You’ve made my day!

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